It is 8:14p.m.
For breakfast this morning I had a small bowl of graham squares cereal.
Later, for lunch I had a sandwich on 2 slices of whole grain bread, with left over turkey and spinach on it with a drizzle of mustard.
For dinner, I had a sandwich on the same type of bread, with 3 thin slices of lunch meat turkey, an ounce of mozarella and a light spread of mayo, and spinach.
I also drank 4-5 cups of green tea today, and 2 tall glasses of water. Should have definitely been more water, but the night is still young!
No exercise as of yet. I was waiting for a phone call from 2 different people who were saying they wanted to come and buy the Jeep today. No one called. I didn't want to be panting on the phone when they called, or sweaty when they arrived. But now that it's so late in the day I will be getting the kids to bed soon then getting my exercise in.
Tomorrow my mom is coming up for the weekend to watch Silvana's skating show, and to visit. I really hope I can stick to my diet! It always seems to be much harder to do when we have company.
I was planning on weighing in tomorrow morning, but since I had a big fat cheat day yesterday I am going to wait until next Friday and hope I've lost at least a few pounds.
:)
Wish me luck and energy! God help me!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
On a roll~
Last night Silvana had a horrible temperature and was coughing all night. I was aiming to be to bed by 9 but didn't get to bed until 10 because I was taking care of her. Strangely enough I woke up this morning at 3:30 and was wide awake laying in bed. I considered going back to bed but knew that if I did I would be groggy when I did get up. So, I put my energy to use, wiped down everything in the kitchen, swept, scrubbed the chairs down, made a pitcher of crystal light and a pitcher of green tea, enjoyed a hot cup of green tea, and did some weight training on my arms. Felt very productive! Then I got to work at 5, and although I actually had a great day at work, my day went down hill from there.
This morning I had to bake 4 dozen muffins. When I went to take them out of the muffin pan, the bottoms felt soggy through the muffin wrappers so I tried one to make sure it was okay. It was fine. Very moist. Then as I grabbed more to put them away, I came across a few more that were very soggy. So I tried one, and it was also okay. Very good. But I instantly was like, ' WOA! I just ate two muffins! :S ' *sigh*
At breakfast, I ate 3 pieces of sausage, a scoop of scrambled eggs, an english muffin, and 2 slices of american cheese, with lemon water.
For lunch I had a scoop of carrots, a scoop of mashed potatoes, and an ounce of turkey, with lemon water.
Work itself was great. Had a nice time, and felt very accomplished. Bought some leftover turkey and stuffing for Joe to take to work tomorrow.
When I got home, I changed, putzed around, and had a sweet tooth so I ate a granola bar with nutella on it, with some green tea.
After the kids got home, I noticed Silvana was not looking good. She was super hot, looked very sleepy. She temped out at 102 so I took her in to the doctors office. Her temp there read 104.7!!!! Scary!
So after some tests and xrays and what not, we left. But first I let them pick out an ice cream from dietary, as a treat. Plus to cool her off, and as a reward for Deslin being so well behaved and helpful while we were there. We had been there for 2.5 hours. So then, I remembered I had promised the kids I'd make pizza tonight. But realized I didn't have any crust, and hardly enough cheese. So, I asked Joe if it was okay, and then decided to order a pizza for dinner to treat them, since we never eat out.
So I ordered a pepperoni pizza from the holiday gas station. And while I was there, I grabbed a bag of lays.
When we got home, I had 2 pieces of pizza, topped with crushed red pepper and a handful of spinach. Then I ate about 10 chips literally. Then I ate my piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top. Drank green tea.
Now, here I sit. Regretting this whole day, food wise! Other than the food, and Silvana's episode, it was a very good, rewarding day.
I plan to work out on the treadmill for an hour tonight to make up for SOME of the calories I shoveled in my face today. So ashamed!
Tomorrow is a new day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning I had to bake 4 dozen muffins. When I went to take them out of the muffin pan, the bottoms felt soggy through the muffin wrappers so I tried one to make sure it was okay. It was fine. Very moist. Then as I grabbed more to put them away, I came across a few more that were very soggy. So I tried one, and it was also okay. Very good. But I instantly was like, ' WOA! I just ate two muffins! :S ' *sigh*
At breakfast, I ate 3 pieces of sausage, a scoop of scrambled eggs, an english muffin, and 2 slices of american cheese, with lemon water.
For lunch I had a scoop of carrots, a scoop of mashed potatoes, and an ounce of turkey, with lemon water.
Work itself was great. Had a nice time, and felt very accomplished. Bought some leftover turkey and stuffing for Joe to take to work tomorrow.
When I got home, I changed, putzed around, and had a sweet tooth so I ate a granola bar with nutella on it, with some green tea.
After the kids got home, I noticed Silvana was not looking good. She was super hot, looked very sleepy. She temped out at 102 so I took her in to the doctors office. Her temp there read 104.7!!!! Scary!
So after some tests and xrays and what not, we left. But first I let them pick out an ice cream from dietary, as a treat. Plus to cool her off, and as a reward for Deslin being so well behaved and helpful while we were there. We had been there for 2.5 hours. So then, I remembered I had promised the kids I'd make pizza tonight. But realized I didn't have any crust, and hardly enough cheese. So, I asked Joe if it was okay, and then decided to order a pizza for dinner to treat them, since we never eat out.
So I ordered a pepperoni pizza from the holiday gas station. And while I was there, I grabbed a bag of lays.
When we got home, I had 2 pieces of pizza, topped with crushed red pepper and a handful of spinach. Then I ate about 10 chips literally. Then I ate my piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top. Drank green tea.
Now, here I sit. Regretting this whole day, food wise! Other than the food, and Silvana's episode, it was a very good, rewarding day.
I plan to work out on the treadmill for an hour tonight to make up for SOME of the calories I shoveled in my face today. So ashamed!
Tomorrow is a new day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
3/5 /13 The right steps!
Last night before bed I did a half hour elliptical workout.. I instantly feel refreshed, hopeful, energetic, and soooo proud of myself after each workout! There's a feeling that reoccurs on and off during my workout, where I get SO tired.. but then I feel my muscles pumping, and imagine how great I'm going to feel and look if I keep going and dedicating myself!
Today I got some stuff organized around the house. Going to do more later this evening, or tomorrow after work, or a bit of both. :)
I drank 2 cups of green tea this morning so far, with lemon juice and just a drip of honey added. I had a 2 egg omelet, with one ounce of mozarella, a cup of spinach, and half a serving of ham cubes. Then for lunch I had a cucumber on whole grain bread sandwich. Two slices of whole grain bread,3/4 of a cucumber[with pepper!], and a light spread of mayo on one of the slices of bread. Took my Biotin, Fish Oil, and Centrum Heart Health multivitamin. I also just did a half hour elliptical workout, and feel sooo wonderful! Have been watching 'The People's Court' the whole time and it pretty much flew by! Deslin is home with me today, he has no school but Silvana does and Joe is at work until 11p.m. Now it's time to shower, get dressed and get him dressed, then go pick up Silvana so I can get her all gussied up for her figure skating pictures, and then drop Deslin and Chaz off at Deslin's hockey practice, and zoom back to his practice after her pictures. I am feeling so hopeful for the future!!!!!! Please God give me the strength and dedication!!!!!! :)
Today I got some stuff organized around the house. Going to do more later this evening, or tomorrow after work, or a bit of both. :)
I drank 2 cups of green tea this morning so far, with lemon juice and just a drip of honey added. I had a 2 egg omelet, with one ounce of mozarella, a cup of spinach, and half a serving of ham cubes. Then for lunch I had a cucumber on whole grain bread sandwich. Two slices of whole grain bread,3/4 of a cucumber[with pepper!], and a light spread of mayo on one of the slices of bread. Took my Biotin, Fish Oil, and Centrum Heart Health multivitamin. I also just did a half hour elliptical workout, and feel sooo wonderful! Have been watching 'The People's Court' the whole time and it pretty much flew by! Deslin is home with me today, he has no school but Silvana does and Joe is at work until 11p.m. Now it's time to shower, get dressed and get him dressed, then go pick up Silvana so I can get her all gussied up for her figure skating pictures, and then drop Deslin and Chaz off at Deslin's hockey practice, and zoom back to his practice after her pictures. I am feeling so hopeful for the future!!!!!! Please God give me the strength and dedication!!!!!! :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
PROGRESS!!!! 3/4/13
Today I weighed myself. The scale said 238!!!!! This is exciting for me, because I haven't really seen a weight drop at all any time that I have tried.. well maybeee at the most like 2 pounds, after a good month of working on it. But that was just frustrating.
What I've been doing differently:::
I've been drinking nothing but water, lemon water, and green tea. A girl I know who lost 90 pounds in like 9 months, said that she drinks warm lemon water before she drinks anything else, a huge jug of water, and 6 cups of green tea each day. I know I've been drinking at LEAST that. Today alone, I pee'd like 15 times. LOL. It was kind of annoying yet at the same time I knew I was on the right track! All the hydration, plus my motivation, and just my overall state of mind lately, has made me not very interested in eating hardly at all, much less as much as I perhaps used to. I never felt like I ate a lot before, but I guess I did. And I definitely ate the wrong things when I did eat, I know that. But lately I've been opting for healthy choices, fruits, veggies, lean meats... annd I feel sooo much better for it already. Plus, I've had more energy to be consistent with my elliptical workouts.. 3-5 times per week! Which is a great step for me.. I'm not going to jump in way over my head and do 5-7 days a week, because I feel that if I did I would just be setting myself up for failure. I know I couldn't commit to that. Just the idea of it makes me sick. But feeling as energetic , happy, and as good as I have lately, I just get 'in the mood' to work out like every other day. And I am confident that as time goes on, I will want to do it more and more and more!! Pray for me! :)
What I've been doing differently:::
I've been drinking nothing but water, lemon water, and green tea. A girl I know who lost 90 pounds in like 9 months, said that she drinks warm lemon water before she drinks anything else, a huge jug of water, and 6 cups of green tea each day. I know I've been drinking at LEAST that. Today alone, I pee'd like 15 times. LOL. It was kind of annoying yet at the same time I knew I was on the right track! All the hydration, plus my motivation, and just my overall state of mind lately, has made me not very interested in eating hardly at all, much less as much as I perhaps used to. I never felt like I ate a lot before, but I guess I did. And I definitely ate the wrong things when I did eat, I know that. But lately I've been opting for healthy choices, fruits, veggies, lean meats... annd I feel sooo much better for it already. Plus, I've had more energy to be consistent with my elliptical workouts.. 3-5 times per week! Which is a great step for me.. I'm not going to jump in way over my head and do 5-7 days a week, because I feel that if I did I would just be setting myself up for failure. I know I couldn't commit to that. Just the idea of it makes me sick. But feeling as energetic , happy, and as good as I have lately, I just get 'in the mood' to work out like every other day. And I am confident that as time goes on, I will want to do it more and more and more!! Pray for me! :)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Workout #2!
Today is Sunday February 17th, 6:37pm.
Lately, life has been sooo busy. I've been working alot, picked up a few shifts to help people out at work, etc. Painted and re-upholstered the rocker/glider and ottoman that I had, so that Holly can use it for Emberli. Had Holly's baby shower to go to, so I had to make 2 huge bowls of mandarin orange jello, etc, etc. All excuses, though.. I know. There's always the option of waking up even just half an hour earlier than planned, to get in a quick half hour workout. But, it's hard. For the past few weeks I've had a horribly hard time falling asleep. Have had alot on my mind, about Brecken, Sarah, Holly and Emberli, my own kids... work, Joe potentially getting a new job, and if he does.. should he accept? Figuring out money, bills, trying to come up with an actual budget to stick to, since we've never really had one... etc, etc.
Though, I am pretty proud. I haven't had a drink or a cigarette since December 21st. That's not a horribly long time, but I feel very good about it. And I have no intentions of having either in the future. Especially not the near future. We shall see!
I have, as usual, had good intentions of eating well.. the things happen such as a housekeeper coming into the kitchen, with a container full of 'homemade snickers bars" that she wants us to try.. I had one, but immediately regretted it. It was soo sweet. Good, but too sweet for my taste. Plus, my waist line certainly doesn't need the calories. *sigh*
Anyways, I worked Friday and took Saturday off, [switched shifts] so that I could go to Holly's baby shower yesterday. I only had a carnation instant breakfast, for breakfast. And at the baby shower, I had a plate full of yums. Meatballs, a turkey sandwich, potato salad.. yums. Then I got home at 7 pm. Joe wanted to get the kids to bed, and get some Subway for us. I was not at all hungry, and although I would probably normally go for it.. I didn't. I told him I just wasn't hungry. So, he didn't get any either.
So I got to bed late last night. Then worked 6:30am-1:30pm today. Got off an hour early, and Joe and the kids had went to Caspian for a snowmobile hillclimb at 11am, so I planned on coming home and perhaps taking a nap.. well Facebook suckered me in, so that didn't happen. I had a handful of hershey's kisses. Then after quite few hours of lullin' around and being bored, I finally worked up the ambition to do an elliptical workout for half an hour. To many people, a half an hour workout is probably nothing... but to me, it's pretty difficult. I have zero determination. Zero % of me, wants to work out for half an hour. I always stare at the timer, and it goes by so slow. But having the elliptical in the living room definitely helps that. I did keep glancing at the timer, but was mostly watching the Weekly News Recap. I love watching the news, so it went by fairly fast, and I was sweating bullets.
I always feel so amazing after a workout.. I feel so tingly, and light-headed, and I can feel my muscles strengthening; I almost think I can feel my fat burning away. LOL. I am hoping that since I have an addictive personality, that refraining from 'going out' will cause me to get 'addicted' to working out.. It's such a positive thing.. I think/know it will do wonders for every aspect of my life.
I used to workout for 2-3 hours a day, when I was in college. I just lost ALL ambition to look good, after I met Joe and we had kids. I lost any energy I had, and I didn't care if I laid in bed ALL DAY... If I could do it, I did. It feels good that the kids are grown up now, they're both in school, and i have some time to free my mind, and reconnect with who I am. I've always just concentrated on spending every living second for them; cooking/cleaning, doing projects with them, blogging about them when I did have free time, etc, etc, etc. But I'm at a point in my life, where I KNOW that the best thing I can do for us all, is to get myself back into shape, and be active again. I need to be a good role model for them. I need to be healthy so I can be here for them, for a long time. I need to show them, AND myself.. that you CAN do what ever, and you CAN be what ever, you want to in life. I can, I will.... you WILL see!!!!!!!!
Lately, life has been sooo busy. I've been working alot, picked up a few shifts to help people out at work, etc. Painted and re-upholstered the rocker/glider and ottoman that I had, so that Holly can use it for Emberli. Had Holly's baby shower to go to, so I had to make 2 huge bowls of mandarin orange jello, etc, etc. All excuses, though.. I know. There's always the option of waking up even just half an hour earlier than planned, to get in a quick half hour workout. But, it's hard. For the past few weeks I've had a horribly hard time falling asleep. Have had alot on my mind, about Brecken, Sarah, Holly and Emberli, my own kids... work, Joe potentially getting a new job, and if he does.. should he accept? Figuring out money, bills, trying to come up with an actual budget to stick to, since we've never really had one... etc, etc.
Though, I am pretty proud. I haven't had a drink or a cigarette since December 21st. That's not a horribly long time, but I feel very good about it. And I have no intentions of having either in the future. Especially not the near future. We shall see!
I have, as usual, had good intentions of eating well.. the things happen such as a housekeeper coming into the kitchen, with a container full of 'homemade snickers bars" that she wants us to try.. I had one, but immediately regretted it. It was soo sweet. Good, but too sweet for my taste. Plus, my waist line certainly doesn't need the calories. *sigh*
Anyways, I worked Friday and took Saturday off, [switched shifts] so that I could go to Holly's baby shower yesterday. I only had a carnation instant breakfast, for breakfast. And at the baby shower, I had a plate full of yums. Meatballs, a turkey sandwich, potato salad.. yums. Then I got home at 7 pm. Joe wanted to get the kids to bed, and get some Subway for us. I was not at all hungry, and although I would probably normally go for it.. I didn't. I told him I just wasn't hungry. So, he didn't get any either.
So I got to bed late last night. Then worked 6:30am-1:30pm today. Got off an hour early, and Joe and the kids had went to Caspian for a snowmobile hillclimb at 11am, so I planned on coming home and perhaps taking a nap.. well Facebook suckered me in, so that didn't happen. I had a handful of hershey's kisses. Then after quite few hours of lullin' around and being bored, I finally worked up the ambition to do an elliptical workout for half an hour. To many people, a half an hour workout is probably nothing... but to me, it's pretty difficult. I have zero determination. Zero % of me, wants to work out for half an hour. I always stare at the timer, and it goes by so slow. But having the elliptical in the living room definitely helps that. I did keep glancing at the timer, but was mostly watching the Weekly News Recap. I love watching the news, so it went by fairly fast, and I was sweating bullets.
I always feel so amazing after a workout.. I feel so tingly, and light-headed, and I can feel my muscles strengthening; I almost think I can feel my fat burning away. LOL. I am hoping that since I have an addictive personality, that refraining from 'going out' will cause me to get 'addicted' to working out.. It's such a positive thing.. I think/know it will do wonders for every aspect of my life.
I used to workout for 2-3 hours a day, when I was in college. I just lost ALL ambition to look good, after I met Joe and we had kids. I lost any energy I had, and I didn't care if I laid in bed ALL DAY... If I could do it, I did. It feels good that the kids are grown up now, they're both in school, and i have some time to free my mind, and reconnect with who I am. I've always just concentrated on spending every living second for them; cooking/cleaning, doing projects with them, blogging about them when I did have free time, etc, etc, etc. But I'm at a point in my life, where I KNOW that the best thing I can do for us all, is to get myself back into shape, and be active again. I need to be a good role model for them. I need to be healthy so I can be here for them, for a long time. I need to show them, AND myself.. that you CAN do what ever, and you CAN be what ever, you want to in life. I can, I will.... you WILL see!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Heart Rates, what??!
Today is Tuesday February 12th. I have not weighed myself since my last post. Mostly because, I know I have been eating horribly and am afraid to see what the scale has to say about it! I have pretty much been eating whatever I want. I have been eating alot more fruits and veggies at work, because I've been craving them actually. For many weeks I cut wayy down on my caffeine, and though it has tons of sugar, I drink 8oz of soda when I need a caffeine kick rather than coffee. For awhile there I was drinking a good 36 oz of coffee a day. It made me SO unbelievably irritable. Since I've cut down, I noticed a drastic change in my attitude, and I've been sleeping much much better. However things have been pretty busy lately, and my sister had been visiting so needless to say I fell back into my rut of not getting much sleep. Thus, drinking a bit more caffeine.
Though I had Joe bring the eliptical up to the living room a good 2-3 weeks ago, I finally used it for the first time just now. I only did a half an hour, while watching the morning news. I pushed myself during the commercials, and kept a swift steady pace during the news. I had almost forgotten that the elliptical has a pulse monitor on it. So I put my hands in what I'm pretty sure were the correct spots. My 'pushing myself' pulse was 175-192, and my steady pulse rate was 140-155ish.
I know nothing about heart rates, and exercising. Quite clearly. So I came online right afterwards to check what all of it means. Apparently, having checked it a half hour after exercising, my 'resting' heart rate is 96. I just used the stop watch feature on my phone and placed my finger to the left of my throat where I can feel my pulse... counted how many beats there are in a 10 second period of time, then you multiply that number by 6 to get your pulse.
Your 'Maximum heart rate', is supposed to be your 220 - your age. So mine would be 196. I just about hit that number while exercising, and know I easily could have but I held myself back from going as hard as I normally would. My 'target heart rate' is supposed to be 117-166. I just learned that a 'target heart rate' is the rate you're supposed to keep your pulse at, for maximum exercise benefits and to avoid risk factors such as a heart attack.
Seeing as I have never been a regular exerciser, and am currently WAY above a healthy weight, and WAY above any weight I've ever been for that matter- I'm glad I checked this all out! Very good stuff to know, and to pass to my children so that they actually know what they are doing when they exercise. I have worked out for far, far too long in the past, using the simple theory that I am supposed to be pushing myself as hard as I can, sweating, red-faced, and sore, for maximum results. I am honestly astonished, and feel a bit bugged that I never was made aware of any of this information.
Regardless. It is great information to know now. Better late than never!
Today is the start of a bad time of month for me to weigh in. So, I'm going to wait until Friday as usual. I don't expect things to be any better by then but I just want to be consistent in weighing in on Friday mornings. Easy to remember.
In all honesty, now that I know that I'm not supposed to literally almost kill myself when I work out, I feel a LOT better about the idea!! I've always hated getting all sweaty & sore.. it's always made me feel like it's just not worth it. But knowing that I have been wayyy over doing it, and can get great results while almost leasurely strolling on the elliptical, makes me feel very VERY hopeful!
I've always had alot of muscle mass... when in the best shape of my life, and the worst, I've always had really big muscles, even if they are now buried under fat, they're there. Maybe that's why it takes me pushing myself extra hard to even feel like I'm accomplishing anything. Well, I'm going to schedule an appointment with a trainer or nutritionist asap too, just to confirm that everything I'm finding here is in fact correct, just in case I'm wrong. But I found the same information on various websites, including my favorite Livestrong.com. That website has so much useful information!
Though I had Joe bring the eliptical up to the living room a good 2-3 weeks ago, I finally used it for the first time just now. I only did a half an hour, while watching the morning news. I pushed myself during the commercials, and kept a swift steady pace during the news. I had almost forgotten that the elliptical has a pulse monitor on it. So I put my hands in what I'm pretty sure were the correct spots. My 'pushing myself' pulse was 175-192, and my steady pulse rate was 140-155ish.
I know nothing about heart rates, and exercising. Quite clearly. So I came online right afterwards to check what all of it means. Apparently, having checked it a half hour after exercising, my 'resting' heart rate is 96. I just used the stop watch feature on my phone and placed my finger to the left of my throat where I can feel my pulse... counted how many beats there are in a 10 second period of time, then you multiply that number by 6 to get your pulse.
Your 'Maximum heart rate', is supposed to be your 220 - your age. So mine would be 196. I just about hit that number while exercising, and know I easily could have but I held myself back from going as hard as I normally would. My 'target heart rate' is supposed to be 117-166. I just learned that a 'target heart rate' is the rate you're supposed to keep your pulse at, for maximum exercise benefits and to avoid risk factors such as a heart attack.
Seeing as I have never been a regular exerciser, and am currently WAY above a healthy weight, and WAY above any weight I've ever been for that matter- I'm glad I checked this all out! Very good stuff to know, and to pass to my children so that they actually know what they are doing when they exercise. I have worked out for far, far too long in the past, using the simple theory that I am supposed to be pushing myself as hard as I can, sweating, red-faced, and sore, for maximum results. I am honestly astonished, and feel a bit bugged that I never was made aware of any of this information.
Regardless. It is great information to know now. Better late than never!
Today is the start of a bad time of month for me to weigh in. So, I'm going to wait until Friday as usual. I don't expect things to be any better by then but I just want to be consistent in weighing in on Friday mornings. Easy to remember.
In all honesty, now that I know that I'm not supposed to literally almost kill myself when I work out, I feel a LOT better about the idea!! I've always hated getting all sweaty & sore.. it's always made me feel like it's just not worth it. But knowing that I have been wayyy over doing it, and can get great results while almost leasurely strolling on the elliptical, makes me feel very VERY hopeful!
I've always had alot of muscle mass... when in the best shape of my life, and the worst, I've always had really big muscles, even if they are now buried under fat, they're there. Maybe that's why it takes me pushing myself extra hard to even feel like I'm accomplishing anything. Well, I'm going to schedule an appointment with a trainer or nutritionist asap too, just to confirm that everything I'm finding here is in fact correct, just in case I'm wrong. But I found the same information on various websites, including my favorite Livestrong.com. That website has so much useful information!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday Jan28th 13' MEASUREMENTS
Waist 50" Hips 56.5" Neck 16" Height 62" I'm no professional, but that doesn't sound good. :/ I'm on the livestrong.com website using the Body Fat Calculator... and the verdict is.......66%. EWWWWWWWW. =[ I feel like I've been eating less, haven't had an appetite in ages. Today I danced around with the kids. Not for long though. Decided to rearrange the living room, and have Joe bring up the elliptical tomorrow. I KNOW there's a muchh higher chance I'll use it up here. Also, just weighed myself. 245 lbs. :( What a depressing number. I'm exactly 100 pounds heavier than I was before I had kids. The last time I was 145 was almost 7 years ago. What. The hell. I'm afraid of this number. I neeeeeeeeeed to do something about my weight. I am terrified. I feel so hopeless and helpless. I hate exercising. I don't feel I eat horribly, I know there's room for improvement in us all, but I don't feel like I can do it. :( I wish someone could help me.
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