9/8 My Worst Enemy

8 years ago, this was me:

6-7 years ago, this was me:

Although I put on about 80, yes, 80 pounds with my pregnancy, I didn't regret anything, for a second. Looking back I do wish I had made myself aware of how to be healthier, and how to take better care of myself while pregnant. But no regrets! I love my children more than I can even begin to explain!

I figured oh... it will be SO easy to get back to where I was. Chasing after babies, running around, I will lose this weight in no time!


This, was me 6 months ago. February of 2013. This was me at my sisters baby shower, where I actually looked like I was more pregnant when standing next to her, even though she was around 8 months pregnant at that time.This is the picture, that made me realize that although I had ' tried' in the past to work out, and to think about my health... I really needed to DO it. Not just try. This is the picture that made me ask my mother in law to delete every single picture of me that day, and I sat in my bed bawling.

It was that day, in my bed, when I realized how much I wanted this. How much I needed this. Not just so I would look acceptable in pictures with my babies, but so I could be a more active person in their lives and do more, and push myself to be more of a 'supermom'. I want them to see me working out, so they know it's important. I want them to work out with me. I want to go jogging with them someday. I want to do everything, and experience life with them to the fullest.

That's why I don't feel too bad, like I did at one point in time, taking 2 hours out of each day to focus on myself, to work out. I wait until they are asleep or in school. And yes, sometimes my dishes go undone. I have more energy these days to zoom around cleaning AND work out. Of course there are days where I'm tired, so I take a nap. I put my body's needs pretty high on the priority list,, because ultimately, I need to be here for them, and be a good example, and be a happy, healthy, mother. I don't need to be crying in my bed about how I can't find anything to wear. I need to MAKE changes, not just hope things will change one day.


This morning I had some oatmeal for breakfast. Then I took the kids to church. Can I just say, how amazing it felt to throw on an outfit and just GO without feeling self conscious at all?!? It has been a while since I've felt that. After church, there was a picnic, complete with games, and a bouncy house. The kids had a blast! They had snow cones and some chips. Silvana won cookies in the cake walk. They each had 2 today but I didn't have any. I DID have a hot dog for lunch, at the picnic. Silvana decided she didn't want hers, so I was carrying her plate around for a while in case she changed her mind. Then I had asked her if she was sure she didn't want it, and she said 'no'. So, I contemplated just eating it because the one I had was pretty good!

Shortly after, a woman I know came over and was asking me how I've been doing with working out, and said I'm looking great! It felt so good to hear someone say that. It motivated me SO much to stick to my guns. After we got done chatting, I immediately went over and threw Silvana's hot dog in the trash.

After the picnic, the kids & I loaded up into the van and went to visit my grandparents. While there, my grandma commented on how much weight I'm losing. I couldn't have been happier. My grandma is easily one of my handful of favorite people in my life.She has always been so inspiring, and so loving, and so wonderful. She has one of the biggest hearts I've ever personally seen, and she is always smiling. I felt so happy to hear her say that today.. it made me feel like she was proud of me just like she always had been in the past.

I guess I just felt like since I gained a bunch of weight like I was letting people in my family down. Like they were kind of embarrased of me. lol.....

Anyways, we had a busy and fun day, and I made taco's for dinner. The kids and I each had 2 with a ton of spinach too. At the end of the day after the kids were bathed, read to, hugged and smooched on the forehead, and snug in bed, I took some pictures of myself . They are such crappy quality, and I'm not posting them just yet. But I've felt like I needed a visual reminder for myself of how far I've come.  Well, the pictures weren't pretty. I mean, obviously. I have so far to go. It was frustrating. I've lost 33 pounds so far, and I just wish it 'showed' more after all of the hard work I've done.  I just felt so annoyed and frustrated and ready to give up for a minute. But that anger and frustration just made me even more determined. I realized that, I haven't given this ' my all' . I've had [ like last week, ] times when I haven't worked out for 3-4 days. I have had more than 1 cheat day in a week at times. I need to woman up & get it done!

So, after feeling completely pissed at myself, I went downstairs and did an hour and a half on the elliptical. I felt AMAZING. I planned on doing 2 hours, but I ended up having a pounding headache the whole last 45 minutes. I pushed through it though, I was determined to do more than my typical hour. I think the whole problem is that I wasn't drinking enough water the past couple of days.I also felt like sick to my stomach and nauseous when I was done, but I had a little protein powder in some fat free milk and that seems to have helped some. I think I'm pretty tired too, it is 12:30am right now.

I am going to get up at 6:30a.m. to get Deslin ready, then drive my brother and Deslin to school in the morning, and then do my hour of WII fit, complete with the lunges, squats, etc. It's a super intense workout for me at this point! Then I have a meeting with the superintendent. I'll probably need a nap once I get home, lol.

Well that's all for now. I need SLEEP!