March 27: Complicated!

It has been a couple months since I've posted measurements, so I'm doing so today. :) I am not super thrilled with what the numbers show, but what I AM happy about... is that I am CREEPING towards being under 200 pounds!! 4 more pounds to go!!! :) LOL. it's kind of funny, you'd think I'd be a little embarassed to be publicly throwing my weight out there like some girls probably would be.... but you know what... it's called confidence. ;)  I could care LESS what the scale says, because my mirror is looking GOOD! :P Hehe...

Seriously though, I really do feel absolutely amazing.  I look and feel entirely different than I did a year ago, and I'm loving it. My clothes fit way better, I have tons more energy, I just feel stronger & healthier in every way!

So, two months ago, I started lifting at the gym. At that time, I was also in kickboxing classes. Those only lasted a few weeks, and then I was just doing the lifting for an hour a day. I have been consistent with that, and can feel myself getting stronger... and it's only been 2 months! The past couple of weeks I've been re-adding the 30 minutes to an hour of cardio that I did last year each day, because I know that's the ticket to losing this weight. Cardio plus weights.

 I have also been aiming to stick to a low-carb diet. The first few days were confusing, because I didn't realize how many carbs are in most foods. Fruit, Yogurt, Cottage Cheese, etc, etc....many things that you'd think are healthy..... it's baffling! But I found some awesome low-carb wraps that I love... I even had a reuben on one of those wraps on St.Patricks day, and let me tell you... it was AMAZING. I just had a little of the thousand island dressing on it... it was low fat/ lower carb thousand island dressing I found. Seriously, as long as I keep finding ways to incorporate some yummy things into this lower carb diet... I could totally foresee myself sticking to it! 

I'm not gonna lie, I have had 'bad' days. Yesterday for example, the kids chose to go to the Drive In to eat which just re-opened for the 'spring/ summer' [ even though there's still ten feet of snow outside. :P  ].... and there, I had a small root beer, and a burger. :S I didn't feel super horrible about it, because I have enough self control to have something like that once a month or so, and not crave it or want it any other times. I have definitely craved some carbs in the afternoon.. it's usually around 2-3pm when that happens... but I've been decent about not giving in. I've had days where I'd have a granola bar or something, and then I'd kick myself in the butt for it... I felt so bad! 
 

The thing that I find super interesting is the fact that.. now that I'm watching carbs, I'm realizing HOW MANY CARBS I was eating before!! Even over the past year when I was dieting, for a snack I would have 2  peanut butter toast on whole grain bread sometimes... and yes, that's a LOT of carbs. 


I was very skeptical of the whole 'low carb' idea for over a year.... when I first met people who tried talking me into trying it, I thought they were crazy. With my reasearch, one thing  I'm finding is that going low carb is a really good way to cut fat. What I've read is that when your body doesn't have those carbs for energy, it burns your fat for energy instead.  

Strangely, I'm still sort-of in the skeptical phase to a point. In the sense that, I do think it's okay to have SOME carbs. Not A TON like I was, unknowingly, before. But I think that if I have a greek yogurt... which has like 30 carbs per serving.... I don't think that's a horrendous thing, is it? I haven't been having more than around 30 grams of carbs despite my skepticism....because I want to see if this really works. However a part of me  feels like your body needs SOME whole grain,  nutritional carbs to function normally. I don't know, call me crazy! I'm still trying to figure it all out. I have talked to my dietician about carb cycling, and cutting carbs, and he thinks it's bad to mess with your body like that.

The frustrating part is, there are 'scientific' articles alll over the internet stating how cutting carbs is a good thing.... and likewise, there are articles stating that cutting carbs is a very bad thing. It's just frustrating that things can't be more straight forward. Everyone's body is different, and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for us all, so I'm just trying to figure out what works best for me. I know for sure that cutting a huge amount of the sugar and carbs has made me feel really good. I used to have like 2-3 coffee's a day, with 2 sugars and 2 liquid creamer cups.... and now I realize just how many carbs & sugar that was right there.. a lot. *sigh* Not having sugar has honestly made me wayyyy less moody. When I have delved into a little more sugar, I have had a really bad headache. That seems to kind of tell me that my body was addicted to sugar... and that I'm pretty much un-addicted now. The headache I get from sugar now isn't even worth it!

It's just a struggle figuring it all out. I want to be the healthiest I can, I want to be in good shape... I will do ANYTHING that works here.... I just wish it wasn't so complicated!

 

So, here goes with my measurements::::: Starting with the last ones I took, in January:

January 27, 2014

Current Weight 207

Waist:  36.5"

Hips :  46"

Neck: 14"

Forearm over birthmark: 10.5"

Upper Arm: 12.5"

Calf : 17"

Mid thigh: 20"

Upper Thigh: 25.5"

Body fat %: 46.12 %




March 27, 2014

Current Weight: 203

Waist: 36.5"

Hips: 45"

Neck: 13.8"

Forearm over birthmark: 10.5"

Upper Arm: 13.5"

Calf: 17"

Mid thigh: 21.5'

Upper Thigh: 26"

Body fat %:  45.29




LOL the funny thing is, a few of my measurements went UP  about an inch for the first time since I've been measuring [ Upper arms, mid & upper thigh ] yet my clothes are looser than ever and I'm feeling my best yet!! :)
 

I'm thinking I am going to make an appointment with my doctor to check all my 'stats', see how healthy I am, and see if they can actually figure out my actual body fat percentage. The only way I come up with the above percentages, is by an online calculator where you input your neck inches, waist inches, weight, and height. I'm not 100% convinced of it's accuracy considering everyone has a different body type & such. So my goal for this month is to really check into things and see where I'm at here.


Well,  hopefully things will be even better in a couple more months! Honestly, I don't see how they couldn't with everything I'm doing. I would LOVE to be at like 199 at least... hahah.... like I said I don't care about the number so much, but it would kind of feel good to be under 200 for the first time in almost 8 years!!! I already weigh way less than I have in 8 years, so that's something. :) 

A few changes!

<<  For real though!


Hey guys!

So, it's been a few weeks since I posted last. I have been doing really well with everything, I think!

One thing that has noticeably made me feel different/ better in the past few weeks, is that I've changed my eating habits A LOT. I *thought* I was doing the right things.... around 1600 calories, low-fat, whole grains, yogurts, fruits, veggies.

However, I have heard from a few different sources that going low-carb, high-protein is the way to go. I'm finding this to be true. I used to think that things like nonfat cottage cheese, bananas, greek yogurt, whole grain pasta, granola bars, etc were all really good things to have throughout the day. Do you have any idea how many carbs are in all of that stuff?! A LOT.

The main reason I never really went low carb before despite the fact that everyone said it was the way to go, is I didn't know/ understand WHY it's the way to go. I'm one of those stubborn people who needs to know 'why' before I do things. I need to know how things work, before just taking other people's word for things.

Basically, by eating low carb.. your body resorts to burning stored fat for energy, rather than carbohydrates. That's what I gather from what I've read, in a nutshell. I've also read that it can cause moodiness and hormone fluctuations. LOL... which I've gotta say, I think may be true. Especially at first... it was strangely emotional not eating carbs. :P

What I personally aim to do, is eat as little of carbs as possible. If I'm going to incorporate carbs, I try to do that around lunch time or so. Not dinner. However, I have had a serving of whole grain noodles at dinner time, or a low carb wrap. I try to keep my carb count low, eat every 2-3 hours or so, something small. Typically I'm finding my carb intake to be under 30g carbs for the day. I've read that under 50-150g is actually considered 'low carb' as well, so if I go over the 30 I don't beat myself up, I just aim to stay low.

I haven't been having any sugar or liquid creamer in my coffee, either. The powder creamer I use is less than 1 carb per serving so I measure out 2 servings, and typically only have 1 coffee a day anyways. 2 tops. Then one day last week I had a cookie, because Deslin picked a box of 'red velvet' cookies out at the store just for me, because he thought I'd love them. So I had to have one. I got a headache almost immediately, felt sick, disappointed in myself, and strangely..... anytime in the past few months when I've had a cheat meal... I almost feel hungover!! Just nauseous and dizzy, and sick! So strange. So, that really helps me stay on track with eating right too.

As far as working out goes... I've been doing great. One new thing I've been doing is I have a notebook where I have 6 pages full of workouts. One page per workout day. They are Chest/ tricep, Shoulders/abs, Legs, Bicep/Tricep, Abs at-home workout, and Back / Bicep.

I've been doing these workouts since I started at the gym, but I added a few that I found on bodybuilding.com, and my 'my fitness buddy' app. Each workout lasts an hour, and I've been doing cardio afterwards.  This past week I've been making sure that I get my cardio in. I had been slacking on that for a while, but it's time to get my head back in the game & get on that.

I've also been writing down the date, and what body area I'm working out that day in a different section of the notebook, so I can keep track of what I should be doing and in what order.. as well as how much cardio I'm getting. So far here's what I've done since I've been keeping track::


2/24: Back/ Bicep
2/25: Chest/ Tricep
2/26: Legs
2/27: Shoulders/ Abs
2/28: Off-out of town
3/1: Bicep/ Tricep + 1 hr elliptical
3/2: Legs
3/3: off- Worked 11-7 and didn't make it.
3/4: Back/ Bicep + 1 hr elliptical
3/5: Chest/ Tricep
3/6: Abs at home + 30 min elliptical
3/7: Off- skating show weekend
3/8: Off- Skating show weekend
3/9: Legs
3/10: Shoulders/ Abs + 1 hr elliptical
3/11: Tricep/ Bicep + 40 min elliptical
3/12: Back/ Bicep + 30 min elliptical.


I'm pretty happy with how things are going I'd say. One thing I do want to do maybe in a couple weeks, is start a workout program from bodybuilding.com, and see how that goes. There's one called " Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer" that I'm thinking I'm going to try. It's a 12 week program and I think it'll be good to change things up a bit soon. She has specific work outs for each day, along with a basic meal guide... which types of food to eat and when. She also encourages eating every 2-3 hours like I already am, lots of egg whites & veggies.. nothing too different from what I'm already doing besides the workouts are just a little bit different. Won't hurt to try! :)

Anyways that's about all I have for now. One of these days I need to take current measurements & post them. I am most definitely seeing and feeling changes... for example, the other day I flexed my hip muscles and it was so funny, because I don't think I've ever had noticeable hip muscles before. lol...and my legs are much more toned, my butt is taking on more shape. I'm just loving this!!!! :)

Pictures of Progress!!

There's not a whole lot new to report. ...

I have been consistently doing strength training. I can feel so much more muscle on my body,and I am LOVING that! My legs & biceps primarily. I can feel a LOT less flub on my belly than before, too. lol... I can see small changes in my overall appearance. My butt for example, is starting to take on a better shape I think!

The scale has kind of been at a standstill, but I'm not super concerned with that. I have driven myself absolutely nuts a few times throughout this whole process by obsessively weighing myself. A few findings: In the morning, you always weigh a LOT less than you do in the evening. Your weight can fluctuate within 5-10 pounds throughout the week, based on so many different factors. It will drive you crazy if you get too carried away with the scale.

I have fallen off the 'good eating' bandwagon a little bit. I was doing so so good, and then I've had ice cream, a cookie one day a week or so ago, a piece of pizza this past weekend, and today I had a biscuit at work. Ugh!!! It is most definitely the most frustrating part of all of this.

Okay, so Lord knows I have a lonnng way to go, but I am so happy to be where I am right now, compared to where I was last year at this time! Yes there are struggles and set backs from time to time, but it's all SO worth it.  Just as a refresher, I'm going to post  'Then & Now" pictures. They pretty much speak for themselves!

February 2013

Those were taken at my sisters baby shower, and I looked like I was the pregnant one!! :(



February 2014

I mean............. look at the difference!!!! And I am not only confident, I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that by February 2015.... there will be some more major changes.








Looking at these pictures, it's hard to get down on myself for my setbacks. I have lost a ton of weight, gained some muscle, and have a bit of a WAIST again for the first time since I was preggo with Deslin in 2007. This is exciting stuff!! :)

Please, do not ask me ' How is your diet going?" I've been asked that a few times and it's irritating. This is NOT a diet. This is my life.

My plan of action currently is this:

* STOP weighing myself for a few months.
* EAT CLEAN and stay on track with eating. This will of course be challenging as usual, but this is what I really NEED to do at this point to make major progress.
* Continue weight training
* Add more cardio. I've been doing about 2-3 hours a week of cardio, and I need to double that to what it was before I started weight training.






So that's about all for now. I am so excited for this entire year. I already have so much more confidence and am so sure of myself. Nothing and no one will get in my way, I can promise you that. :)



 << LOL. Sorry Joe, but I'd have to do the same. ;) heheh..








Also, for anyone who is 'bothered' by my workout posts::  :P Ahh I'm such a dork and love these.

The Neverending Journey

 

Just starting out with an adorable random picture of my two main reasons for all of this!! 

Okay, so the last time I posted, I posted my measurements. I didn't post a link to that one on Facebook, because I was just super super frustrated with myself for 'taking a step back' over October through December.

On January 27th when I made that last post, my weight was 207, and that's still what my scale is showing today. It's only been like 8 days so I can't be too hard on myself. I'm just a little irritated because I have been working my a** off. However, I KNOW this isn't a super fast process.. I know 8 days is a little soon to be expecting ANY kind of results.

Having said that, I have to say.... even though the scale isn't reflecting any changes, I do FEEL amazing.... I LOVE working out. I LOVE knowing I'm getting healthy & fit. It may not happen 'fast', but it'll happen. I can promise you that! I honestly do feel as though I can see and feel a bit more definition in my legs and arms, and my belly feels smaller.... but that could all be in my head. :P

I think my main frustration is STILL being over 200 lbs. I will be beside myself with excitement when I see '199' on the scale. I know it will give me the faith in myself that I need to push myself even harder. I feel like I push myself hard now, but it's a process. My body wasn't physically strong enough to push very hard just one year ago, but I have come a LONG way. Even since starting strength training roughly 3 weeks ago, I feel more and more confident in what I can do, and in pushing my limits. I just never want to stop!


[ My ideal body!!! ------->>>]



I do get super tired during the day sometimes. I need to make sure I'm getting enough sleep. That's one of the big struggles for me. However, a year ago before starting any kind of working out... I was so physically & mentally exhausted and in denial of what was happening to me, that I was ALWAYS tired. I always went and laid in bed and napped. I just felt like that was going to be my life, forever.  I'm positive it was some depression kicking in, and I'm beyond thankful that I somehow pulled myself out of that last February when I decided to change things.

It was around mid February when I first really started to be serious about losing weight last year.  It's been kind of baby steps since that day. I started out with half an hour on the elliptical a few times a week.. That would wipe me right out at first. Then changed up my eating quite a bit....then went an hour on the elliptical... then went more days a week on top of that... it's all just a process. I'm STILL on that journey now, almost exactly 1 year later. In about 2 weeks it will be 1 full year. Oh how I would LOVE to lost another 12 pounds by then, so I could say I lost 50 in the last year. Who knows if that will happen or is even possible.... but it won't hurt to try!!

It can be really easy to fall into a state of mind time and again where you feel like this is as good as it gets... like you can't do it. You can never be your 'ideal' self. It's during those times that I need to reflect and give myself some credit. This past year, I have gone from having ZERO fitness or good eating habits, to  being pretty good and consistent with an hour of cardio most days of the week. I've also started strength training, and have gotten really good at counting calories and self control. I've also lost 40 pounds. I mean, yes you see people on these weight loss shows who just drop it like it's hot.. haha!! That can be irritating when you feel like you're doing the best you can. But, I know that my 'best' right now , isn't going to be my 'best' a year from now. I'm constantly improving. I won't allow myself to go backwards any more. It's only going to get better from here, and I need to remind myself of that.

Even if the day comes where I am physically where I want to be and maintaining,,,, there will always be some aspect of my life I will be working on making better. Life's a journey, you have to love the PROCESS of evolving and changing for the better. Because like I said.. once you reach your goals, there's always more goals to be made and dominated.

 If I can do this, I promise you anyone can. It's a process but it's worth it, and it's baby steps. It doesn't have to be some big overwhelming thing all at once. 

Measurements January 27, '14.

Alright, there hasn't been immense change since the last time I took measurements. So, I"m starting this post out with the measurements from the last 2 times I took them. From September to November there was my 'normal' range of change that had kept pace for all of last year. After Novembers measurements, I gained about 7 pounds after the Holidays... so I was at 212. This set me back a couple months progress, sadly. However in the past week I have lost 7 of that, so I am currently down to 207. . still 2 pounds above where I was in November, but with the weight training and cardio mix & keeping calories under 1400 I'm pretty confident progress will continue to speed up a little. Let's hope, anyways!



 
SEPTEMBER 27, 2013





weight: 211

Waist: 37.5"

Hips: 48"

Neck:: 14"

Forearm over birthmark: 10.5"

Upper Arm: 13"

Calf, an inch below the knee, widest part: 17"

Mid thigh: 21"

Upper thigh: 26"

Body fat %: 49.16%
















November 20th, 2013



Weight 205

Waist:  36.5"

Hips :  46"

Neck: 14"

Forearm over birthmark: 10.5"

Upper Arm: 13"

Calf : 17"

Mid thigh: 21"

Upper Thigh: 25.5"

Body fat %: 46.12 %








 January 27, 2014

[ This month shows I gained two pounds since November... actually,  during December I had gained about 7 pounds since Novembers post.. so after the holidays I was at 212 and recently lost 5 of that.]


Current Weight 207

Waist:  36.5"

Hips :  46"

Neck: 14"

Forearm over birthmark: 10.5"

Upper Arm: 12.5"

Calf : 17"

Mid thigh: 20"

Upper Thigh: 25.5"

Body fat %: 46.12 %


My inches haven't gone down much if at all, but they haven't gone up either. I am just happy right now that I have lost 5 of the 7 pounds I gained during the Holidays. I am so beyond confident that the weight training mixed with my cardio is exactly what I've been needing to propel this weight loss further! I am inching towards being under 200 lbs, and I cannot WAIT until that day comes... I will NEVER look back. I will make this happen... by the end of this year I foresee myself being in pretty great shape! :)

"Me Time" as a good example!

Alright, my first day lifting at the gym was Friday the 17th of January. It has now been 9 days since I started, and I'm pretty sure I'm hooked. :)

My C4, lifting gloves, mocha capuccino protein, and mixer bottle came in the mail yesterday. I was so thrilled! There was also a huge snowstorm yesterday so the boys' hockey game was cancelled, but we hit up the gym anyways. I slid into a guardrail/ almost DIED on the way there, but I made it! lol...

Last week I did my weight training and also did the Cardio Kickboxing classes on Monday & Wednesday. I was pretty sore after the first 'leg day' I had. That soreness lasted a few days, but I loved it... I loved knowing and physically FEELING that I had gotten in an awesome workout! Even being sore, I still got through the kickboxing and did great. I had been sure my legs were going to collapse under me but I toughed through it.

 This week, I have to skip Monday night kickboxing because I have a 'mandatory' meeting at work. Kind of bummed about missing it, but I'll just do an hour on my elliptical instead. Yesterday was the first day I took my C4, and I had SO much energy left after the gym that I hit up the elliptical at home afterwards for half an hour. Best workout ever!!

Today I intended to do my elliptical too, but when I got home it was already around 6:30 and the kids were starving. So I made dinner, then watched the tail end of a movie with them, got a few chores done, then got them to bed. I am determined to make sure I get in at least 4 days of cardio this week on top of the weight training, but I'd love to make it 5 days. We shall see what the week holds.

I have been doing awesome with my eating. I've been around 1400 calories per day, give or take maybe 100 calories. I have been writing everything in a 'fit journal' the past few days rather than using the myfitnesspal app. It's just easier to refer back to. I'm also trying to write down which routine we did each day, so I can hopefully remember them better.

Alrighty, so today here is what I had:

Breakfast:
1/2 tbsp coconut oil------60c
3 egg whites--------------51c
1c spinach-----------------7c
2 pc whole grain bread -200c

Snack:
1 banana--------------------100c
8 oz fat free milk..............90c

Lunch:
1 beef jerky-------------80c
1/4c sunflower seeds--190c

Snack:

3 squares of ghiardelli intense dark chocolate  [72% cacao]  ----230c

Dinner:

4oz turkey breast...........153c
2c spinach.......................14c

After-workout:

2 scoops of protein............240c
8 oz fat free milk...............90c




1505 calories for today! :) [ maybe a small amount more, because I had about 1 piece of cauliflower and 2 slices of onion in my spinach salad. ;)   ]   I don't feel hungry or deprived, I feel full & satisfied & proud of myself, lol :)


I could've done without all the dark chocolate....... probably smarter sticking to ONE square of it instead of 3. I just saw the serving size on the package, so that's how much I had,without really thinking about it.

Anyways I think everything is going very well! According to MY scale, I lost around 4-6 pounds in the last week. However, I don't feel like I can always trust my scale. Joe says it's because I weigh myself numerous times a day, so I get frustrated when I see how it fluctuates depending on the time of day and other factors...when I should be only doing it once per week. It's just hard not to check whenever I go near it! I will only count the actual pounds lost at the end of each month, not for each week. Last year it was around 4-6 pounds a month, but I've lowered my calorie intake and started weight training so who knows what will happen this year.



I am thinking that tomorrow I'll do measurements. I also want to take some 'before' pictures. :) I probably won't post the 'before' pictures until I've got some nice 'after' ones to put next to them. ;)

I'm pretty fine with posting my measurements. It'll be interesting to see how they compare to the ones I took last. Hopefully there'll be at least some positive change! It was November 20th when I took them last.

One last thing I'd like to say tonight is how happy I am, that I'm being a good example for my kids! They are going to know a lot of things about being healthy and active and taking care of themselves, that I never knew or even thought about when I was young. They are going to learn just by watching me, and that makes me super happy... it makes me feel like a better mom than I was before, and it is a huge motivational factor for me.

 This weight training is like a double positive thing... it's a fun, healthy, strangely relaxing & addicting thing for me.... the perfect ' me' time... and it's ALSO a good, positive, wonderful example to my kids. I just can't honestly find any reason NOT to continue doing this! There's NO type of lifestyle I prefer.

The thing that might deter some people to anything fitness related, is the idea that you can 'never' eat certain foods again. Not true! You totally can, just not every single day, or every single week! I honestly love all of the healthy foods that I've been sticking to. Yet I know that if the day comes when I REALLY want some pizza or something, I know I will allow myself to have some for a 'cheat' meal. The other week Joe wanted to order Irenes pizza, so I had 4 of the small squares of it, and was full. In the past, I probably would've had about twice that much.


 It's not about completely depriving yourself. It's about learning to like things that are healthy / that you should have been liking all along.

 You just feel better in every way, and the idea of eating pizza or 'fast food' honestly makes me feel sick... because I know if I did eat that stuff, I would feel sick to my stomach. I've had cheat meals in the last year, that I completely regretted afterwards. Not because I overdid it, but because my body was not used to the junk anymore.


Well that's all for tonight! Stay tuned for the measurements tomorrow! ;)

Feelin' the BURN!!

Today was my 3rd day lifting at the gym... and I've just gotta say....... I LOVE this!!!!!!!!!!

.Love ...love ........LOVE it!!!!!!!

I'm sorry if that's annoyingly over-enthusiastic but I have honestly always been in awe of people who have been in great shape, and I am so committed to getting there!!!! It's super exciting to me! Obviously I am realistic, and I  realize that it isn't 'easy', and it isn't a fast process. That's fine with me.. I'm not going to get there at ALL by not doing weight training, so I am just thoroughly excited that I have finally begun this! Even if it takes me 5 years, I am doing this!!

A HUGE HUGE shout out to the most inspirational person I know right now, Tazia!! She has been teaching me the ropes, and showing me exactly what I need to do to whoop my a** into shape! I couldn't be more thankful...... what an awesome thing to be willing to do!! I'm sure I slow her down a lot since she has to take the time to show me what I'm doing, but I am so very thankful that she doesn't seem to mind. I am so excited for the day when I can just go to the gym and KNOW exactly what I'm doing, and do it all by myself! It will be all thanks to her! I couldn't have ever started this without her... I would've probably made myself look like a fool, who doesn't know what the hell they're doing, haha! But I have full trust that these workouts she's teaching me will get me to where I want to be,  because she is in prime shape, so she obviously knows her stuff!!

Also~

I've done some research, and there was interesting website I came across that stated just how important weight training is. There was a study done on 3 groups of people.

The first group simply dieted, and lost 14.6 pounds of fat on average, in 12 weeks.

The second group dieted, and did aerobics, and lost 15.6 pounds of fat on average, in 12 weeks. [Only ONE pound more.]

The third group dieted, did aerobics, and strength training, and lost 21.1 pounds of fat in 12 weeks. 44% more!!!!

[Click HERE to go to the article/ webpage I'm referring to]


 That is exciting stuff. I have a good 50 pounds more to lose before I'm really happy with where I am. I am super confident that it will all be off by the end of this year, and hopefully even way sooner...but definitely for sure by the end of the year. Plus I'll have some awesome muscle tone!

I have been eating super freaking awesome/clean, doing my weight training with her, and on Mondays & Wednesdays I have been going to kickboxing... and by the end of kickboxing, my entire butt & legs are on fire!! I LOVE that burn!!! :) I know kickboxing is cardio and I'm pretty sure I sweat out like 5 pounds during it, LOL... but I need to jump on the elliptical on Tuesdays & Thursdays at least. I had Joe bring the treadmill downstairs and bring my elliptical back up, because I've gotta admit.. I do hate trying to jog, and my elliptical has always kicked my butt when I am on it for an hour of intervals. I need to get back to that instead .

As far as eating, I have ZERO problem avoiding 'bad' foods. I just keep my mind set on just how much bad foods will set me back. I know it's okay to have a 'bad' meal once in a while, like once a week or once a month, but I am dedicated to eating allll good/ healthy stuff at least for the next 6 weeks!

Today we went to Taco Bell, and I didn't get one single thing. Joe ordered 4 of the spicy buffalo chicken grillers... my FAVORITE thing... but I had zero desire to have one. I had a beef jerky and some pomegranate instead and felt amazing about that.

The other day I ordered some C4, some 'mocha-cappuccino' flavored protein, weight-lifting gloves [ as Tazia recommended], a Polar heart rate bracelet/ monitor/ calorie burn tracker , and today I went & bought a ton of new workout clothes!!

The last time I really went shopping for clothes, was last February.... almost exactly a year ago. I remember HATING what I saw in the mirror... and ladies, hating yourself, no matter your size, is never a good thing. I was SO down in the dumps and depressed, and having a total 'poor me' attitude. Then one day I was just like, " EFF this...... I am changing this."

I'm not really sure why I didn't make that decision sooner.... I had Deslin when I was 20, and now I'm 27. Yes, I loved every single second of time with my sweet babies, but health wise... I completely ruined myself in my 20's. I am SO annoyed about that, but I am the only one who can change it. I'm the only one who can get off my ass and dedicate myself to living the kind of life I want to live. No one can come along and do that for me.... but on that note, I have got to say I feel so so blessed by how supportive every one has been, and how helpful people have been!!  I am honestly so thankful for the encouragement and positive attitude everyone around me has had, not to mention the people who have went out of their way to teach me a thing or two!

No one can change my life for me, but I know I couldn't do this completely on my own, with out the love and support and positivity of those around me.


Welll... I just got back from kick boxing, and am going to start painting the living room with Joe. *Excited!!* I bought some 'peacock blue' paint... it's almost like a darkish teal. I have wanted to do this for so long! We've owned this house for almost 3 years now, and I FINALLY decided what color I want the living room. Now to decide for the rest of the house..... lol :)


Then I am hitting the hay!! Back at it in the morning!!!!! :D

~* Meals *~

So as I said before, every once in a while I want to blog about what I eat, so people can get an idea.. There are a couple girls I am sharing food tips / ideas with, and also PLEASE feel free to give me feedback! I will accept all the tips I can get! :) I get these calorie amounts either off of the package [ like for the light italian dressing], or from myfitnesspal.com.

Today::

For breakfast I had an omelet fried in coconut oil........303 calories total.

1 tbsp coconut oil ..........120 calories
3 egg whites....................51 calories
1 cup spinach..................7 calories
3 round slices of onion....15 calories
2 tbsp minced garlic........30 calories
1 oz shredded mozarella...80 calories

Lunch: 296 calories

1cup of steamed asparagus,.........40 calories
1 cup of steamed mixed veggies [cauliflower, broccoli, carrots].....40 calories
1 orange............................86 calories
1 dannon oikos greek yogurt...............130 calories


Dinner:  205 calories


1 cup raw broccoli / carrots.......30 calories
2 tbsp light italian dressing.........45 calories
4 oz pork loin......................130 calories

Snacks:  100 calories

Coffee........
3 sugar packets..............30 calories
2 hazelnut creamer cups......70 calories



904 calories!!!!!!!!

This is the least amount of calories I've eaten, I think, ever since I've been keeping track. I didn't feel hungry at all today. I think I had a good amount of veggies and protein. I'm pretty happy with it!!!

We had these chocolate mint brownies at work, which I would normally have a piece and just include that into my calorie count... but I am SO serious about this! I could have totally just eaten it and still come in under my calorie goal, but I am determined to eat all healthy stuff!


The thing is, I know the day will come where I'll have an overwhelming urge to have something that's 'bad' for me. Today was not that day, so why do it? Today I had no problem being strong willed. I didn't crave it, didn't want it. I felt full all day. If I had felt hungry at all I would have eaten more, but it would've still been something healthy. I just didn't feel hungry and definitely didn't feel like eating junk.

I didn't get any exercise in today yet but I'm going to hit the treadmill in a minute for at least half an hour!!


Tomorrow will be my FIRST day back at the gym, since about 7 years ago!!! I am so so excited to start! There's this super inspiring girl I know who is going to show me the ropes along with some other girls, and I am excited to learn what I'm supposed to be doing! Once I get the jist of it all I can start going & doing my thing myself, but I KNOW I wouldn't be confident enough to start on my own if she wasn't doing this. I would be afraid I'd be doing something wrong...haha! I am so very thankful!! Cannot wait to get started!!!!!!



I have always been stubborn as hell, and sometimes that can be a bad thing.. it can make you not do things for dumb reasons. But at the same time, when it comes to things that I'm DEDICATED to doing, being stubborn is a blessing! I am bound & determined to do this no matter how long it takes and no matter how hard it is!!! :)

Got it!!!

 Excuse the language.... but that's a cold hard truth!!




Alright folks, I am SO excited today!!
Yesterday I went as a parent volunteer with Silvanas class to the gym! While I was there, I was like... 'Um.... I should probably use this time to buy my gym membership!!!!!!!!!!" 

At that time Joe was picking up Deslin from his half day of school, and bringing him over to the ' After school fun program" thing which was also held at the gym. So I had him stop at the ATM and grab the $30 for my membership.

I AM SO EXCITED! I am seriously so, so, excited!

I also had kickboxing last night, and it was  an awesome workout. It was the 2nd class we've had so far. I have been SO SORE each morning after my classes, and I've gotta say I love it. I also noticed I need to get new workout shoes. I almost bought a pair yesterday but didn't.. I'll have to do that tonight or tomorrow. Maybe Friday we can go to Houghton to get some and some C4 pre-workout stuff. :) I also think I'm going to steal my ipod shuffle back from Silvana so I can get some good workout tunes on it. Music always motivates me, but the kids hate it when I turn the stereo on loud when I'm on the treadmill, haha

I have also been doing AWESOME at staying under my 1600 calorie goal. I'm thinking I'm going to take it down to 1400. Can't hurt!

Anyways that's it for now.. I'm going to take some measurements at some point, but I am a little nervous. I haven't taken them since before Thanksgiving & I put on a few pounds over November & December, which I'm still working on. Almost there... I might wait another month to do the measurements. I'm pretty confident that I'll  have some decent results by then.

Morning Motivation!

This morning has been a great one so far! I let the kids sleep in a half hour later than usual, and we still got to the school on time. Silvana & I walked Deslin in. I just cannot wait until next year when they're both in the same school! It will be so much fun for her, and they are looking forward to being in the same school for the first time.

This morning has also been full of a lot of positivity so far! I love logging onto facebook to see positive thoughts & such being shared! So far one of the things I've seen is a link someone shared to a website that has 50 ideas for clean-eating snacks! [Click HERE to check it out!] There are some fantastic ideas on there, and also a link to a recipe for 'Skinny Nutella'. Nutella is one of my absolute favorite things ever, so I am super excited about this. It's chocolate AND 'somewhat' healthy. The Skinny Nutella recipe only has 57 calories per serving, whereas the regular stuff has 100! 



Another cool thing was a link to a website where there is a photo series showing you how 200 calories looks in different foods. Example: Roughly a tablespoon of butter is 200 calories, but over a pound of Broccoli also equals 200 calories! It goes to show that there are no 'I'm not full enough' excuses when it comes to weight loss... there are plenty of low cal things to fill yourself with. Here is the link to that. I highly suggest checking it out! Click Here To See The Photo Series

Well, I'm off to have some coffee and get in my date with the treadmill! After I get Silvana on her bus I am heading down to the fitness center to pay for the 'Kickboxing Classes' I joined that start tonight! It's twice a week. Mondays & Wednesdays. I'm super excited for that! I am one of those people who needs an extra kick in the butt when it comes to motivation sometimes until I get going. So having this class to go to will keep me moving! Plus once I get going and exercising as much as possible,  I always have so much energy, and want to work out even more. I'm also thinking about joining this "Battle of the Bulge" challenge... you pay $25 and get weighed and measured in. Whoever loses the most body fat% wins all the money contributed! I think I'd have a shot at that! I'm going to chit chat with Joe about it.. since we are the type of couple who pools all of our money together in the same account, and to use towards bills, etc... we always have a little chit chat about any and all expenses. I think it's a good thing! We budget every dollar we make towards something, whether it's savings or bills or fun money. So we shall see what the boss says. ;)

Midnight Musings

Leave it to me to feel a blog coming on at midnight!
 

I've always been a night owl,  and used to stay up super late painting or writing stories when I was a child and teen, but since having children....nobody has time for that! Especially when your day begins at around 6a.m! There's no way I can stay up pondering life and being creative, and then survive a full day on like 2-3 hours of sleep like I used to.

Well.. this blog posting for one,  isn't entirely about losing weight. But I feel it needs to be posted. So I'm going to do what I do best, and just randomly type thoughts as they come out. I apologize if there's typically a lot of spelling or grammar errors, but I just type away and hit 'Publish" most of the time. It comes straight from the heart. ;)

Almost exactly a year ago, one of my best friends, lost her baby boy.  It was very shortly after the entire Sandy Hook  school incident. Both of these events had a huge impact on me, and were /continue to be super frightening.

I have never lost a child myself, but I lost a baby brother. At that time I was only 4 years old, and it was my first experience with death. It was such a sad and confusing thing at the time, and continues to be today. Any loss of any person really gets to me. It can be a complete stranger. I always wonder 'why'? I am far too good at putting myself into someone else's shoes. I'm very empathetic, and can imagine how deep of a hurt must be felt when you lose a loved one.

One thing that absolutely baffles me is..... knowing how deeply saddening losing those we love is.... HOW do so many people take their loved ones for granted? How? Knowing and seeing and feeling and witnessing the sad and loss of people around you who suddenly have their heart and soul ripped from them, how could you not cherish and hold dear every single second you have on Earth with your own loved ones? Are people becoming desensitized to basic human 'feelings' and passions? Why do so many people just not seem to care, until it's too late?

On that note...I hate how time goes by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was 10 years old, hanging out at my grandma's house across the street after school. I probably got off the bus there as usual. She's cooking food in the kitchen, and the entire family is there, laughing, talking, and just living our lives. Fast forward to now...what feels like only a few years at best has passed, but in reality it's been at least 10 years...and it's a whole different environment. They are very aged. There's not tons of cooking, not tons of conversation that makes much sense, and not so many huge smiling faces around..There just isn't. That's just the way it is. Time passes, and people and memories fade. People grow up and have families of their own, and hope to build their own happy, smiling, loving environment.

 The time in each day, as well as time in general, never seems enough.Every day, there is never enough time to do ALL of the things I'd like to do.  Every year, I'm thinking, " I wanted to do this or that, but didn't get to."  It's so frustrating! Also,  it's frustrating how fast years pass, and how fast children grow..

To children, time passes slowly. They've only been on this planet for say, 5 years... so to them, that 5 years has been an eternity. It's the longest time frame they can possibly, physically imagine at that point. The older you get, the more you realize how fast time truly passes. When you're turning 25, and realizing that you're probably at best 1/4 of the way through your life.. it's pretty shocking. At that point, you feel like yes, alot has happened in your life.... but it went pretty fast in retrospect, and you THOUGHT you had tons of time left. But, in reality you're actually probably closer to being 1/3 of the way through.

Are you letting all of your loved ones know how much you care? Are you letting them know they're important to you?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how this year.... one major thing I'm going to focus on aside from my weight loss, is letting EVERYTHING fall 2nd to my children. I'm usually really good about that, but I do get stressed from time to time. One example: when my house is messy and I have no time to clean it. There have literally been days where I would come home from work with plans of taking the kids to the park, to see a trashed house. Immediately I would declare it 'cleaning up your messes' day. We would all stay home and clean our house. Sadly, it's happened quite a few times.

Why? It's not like we have an abundance of visitors. Even if we did, hopefully they would see the happy, smiling faces on my children enjoying life and look past their messes. Instead, visitors have seen a clean house with disgruntled children. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with teaching children about responsibility and respect and cleanliness. NOTHING at all. I find it very important, in fact, maybe too important. However, I sometimes feel I'm fighting an uphill battle. Kids are mess makers by nature. It's just what they do. The point is...will my children remember me for the happy, fun-loving, adventurous soul I had always been, and know I am inside? Or the mom who is strict and crabby, and worries more about appearances  and 'rules' than quality time with her family?

Today we have all been fighting off a cold. Sore throats, sniffles, and sneezes. We completely just lived our lives, and aside from about 20 minutes worth of straightening up and loading the dishwasher, did absolutely nothing productive. We did, however, play a board game, and snuggle up to watch "The Hobbit". Joe and I  had the entire weekend off from work. A while back, I probably would have declared this ' Doing Chores & Stuff' weekend.. This time, I was determined to just let everything be. My phone died earlier today and I didn't charge it. I didn't open the laptop. I just enjoyed every second with my family. I enjoyed every conversation we exchanged, and every hug we shared. I just lived in the ever-fleeting moment. It felt great!!!

My goal this year..is to be that person more often than not. It's a hard task as a mother or parent in general, daily balancing the:

 *Cooking a good, nutritious hearty meal

 *Doing all the dishes that somehow stack halfway to the ceiling daily

*Cleaning the bathroom like every other day [ it needs it that often! Doesn't yours!?]

*Vaccuuming our house every other hour [ we have 3 cats..... and 2 kids who like to wander with crackers ]

*Doing the laundry for 4 people who probably each change 4 times a day on average

 *Planning the budget

* Raising the kids to be responsible, respectful, educated adults

* Bringing to sports practices & games

*Volunteering and being active in their sports and school life

* Etc, etc, etc, etc

*... and for some of us, working full or part time on top of it all.

I am convinced that we need to take every second we can get with these kids. We need to soak up every smile, every hug, and every single moment we can with them. There will be PLENTY of time to bustle around and worry about mundane, unimportant things such as a pristine house once my sweet babies have grown and left the nest, heaven forbidding. [LOL... I've convinced them both at this point that they want to live with me forever!]

In reality, these moments will be here and gone before we even have a chance to really THINK about what we will be missing down the road.  I know it will feel empty going down to the laundry room to do only mine and Joe's laundry. I know it will be sad, making Silvana's room into my computer / guest room. I know , being myself, that I will stand and bawl about these things when the time comes. Heck, I am already just thinking about it. 

I don't want to have any regrets.A HUGE part of the reason I decided to take my health into high priority last year at this time, isn't because I give a rip what anyone else thinks. It's because I want to have more energy, and be more of an active, happy, fun-loving mother. I want to be the best mother I can be, and I want to be a good example. I want my children to grow up to be healthy, so they can live long healthy lives.

 I was at a point I couldn't ride on rides with them at the fair, because it wasn't comfortable. I wasn't fitting in them right. Well, last year at the fair I rode every ride on the fairgrounds with Silvana and my heart was just beaming with happiness. I want to live. I don't want to die young of health problems. My family is more important to me than any kind of food, and as hilarious as that sounds it's true. I mean think about it. People say I have such strong will power sticking to a healthy diet. When I look at junk food, I often ask myself. " Do you want to be with your family as long as possible, or do you want to eat that?" No I'm not perfect, I do enjoy treats with my family sometimes. But not often, and in moderation. I consider chocolate a necessary part of a happy life!

 I want to look back and feel completely good and happy about how much time my family and I spent together, and how many times we left the house a mess to do something memorable. I want to live, and I want to share every second I can with my kids. Last year my goal was to focus on my health, and I have definitely been doing that. I'm not where I want to be physically yet, but I am working on it. It's not only a physical process, it's a mental process too to get in shape. Sometimes you fight with struggles such as a touch of the winter blues, or being frustrated with your messy house... haha.

This year, I AM going to continue to focus on my health goals, and I am going to make quality time with my family equally as important. I thought I was doing well all along, but when you look back at your year and remember how you sacrificed 'family beach days' for 'cleaning days', you have to admit you've had your priorities backwards!

Life is short. The sooner we all realize and accept that, the sooner we can focus on making the most out of every second we have, and appreciate every person we know. We often tend to think that we'll be here forever. We think there'll always be time to do all the things we want to do, and say all the things we want to say. The sad fact of life is, there isn't time. NOW is the time. It's the only time we ever REALLY have. Time that has passed is gone, and time that is to come isn't promised. Make the very most of "NOW" that you possibly can...

For people asking me for tips... lol

Okay, so the last 2 days we have had "cold" days, like snow days....so the schools and everything have been closed.

Yesterday I worked 11-7, and did NOT do anything as far as fitness, but I am happy to say I have been sticking to my 'eating well' plan pretty darn well I'd say!

I have a good handful of people who have said we should go to the gym together when I do start going. Some of them already go, some of them want to start up. On top of that, I have a handful of people who I find SO inspiring and who, by their actions, prove that it CAN be done. They do it! They eat well, workout a lot, and are fit! I'm on my way!!

I NEED to get my gym membership paid for so I can start going. Seeing as all the schools have been closed, I figured the OCC has been closed too. I mean the gym is still open, but it's doubtful anyone  would be there to sign me up. :(

Aside from that stuff... I have had a few people asking me for food/ eating ideas! Well, although I am fairly confident about what I'm doing I'm definitely not an expert. I have talked to nutritionists a few different times, and done some research myself , but please... anything you hear from me, make sure it sounds right to you before you do it!! lol. I also go by my own tastebuds and likes / dislikes, so I may leave out foods you love, and eat foods you hate.

Basically ... I TRY to base what I do around this 'clean eating' idea, but then again I know it's not fully clean eating so I'd hate to call it that.

** I aim to eat only lean meats, eggs [usually only the whites, but leave yolks in from time to time], nuts, occasional peanut butter or nuts such as cashews, and greek yogurt. But I will definitely eat regular nonfat/lowfat yogurt if that's all that's available at the time, low/nonfat cheese.

* I eat veggies and / or fruit with all meals.

* I will typically have fruit as desert. [sometimes I have sherbet.... :S And hell, sometimes I have chocolate! I consider a small amount of chocolate a necessary part of life. ;)   ]

* I love to make healthy smoothies. My go-to smoothie consists of a handful of blueberries, a large handful of spinach, a banana,  a squirt of flaxseed oil, about 1/4 c hemp seeds, a squirt of lemon juice, about half a cup or so of greek yogurt. I rarely measure things such as that out, that are pretty much ALL healthy, low-cal things.  But....I measure food everyday at my  job so I'm pretty good at guessing the right amounts.

I stick with this smoothie most of the time because I've made other smoothies experimentally that I hated, but I drank them anyway... and this is one that the kids also really like, shockingly enough.

* I do eat a serving of whole grain bread, cereal, crackers,oatmeal, cream of what, or a granola bar once, twice a day max.

* I also drink a TON of water, and green tea. I steer clear of pop & juices. TONS of sugar & empty calories. I will have a cup of coffee a day sometimes... and sometimes I'll have 2. I do have cream & sugar in my coffee...2 tsp of each.


Now, I know I can list little tips like that all day , but it still makes it hard to see exactly what a day looks like for me. So from time to time , I'm going to include what I ate that day in my blog, starting today. I know that stuff can be super boring to read, but it can be easier to get the jist of what I like to try to do.

 If calorie amounts are listed on my foods, I go by those.. otherwise I look them up on myfitnesspal.com.
 
Today so far::

Breakfast:

Coffee: about 50 calories 

1/4c cashews       150

1/2c greek yogurt   140

1 orange     86



Lunch:

2 large eggs::  185

1c onions & green/red peppers:   25

1 tbsp minced garlic:  15

1c spinach:    25

1tbsp crushed red pepper::   15


This picture is what my lunch was. It might not be appealing to some people, but it's my FAVORITE go- to meal!!

So far, that's all I've eaten. 691 calories. Plus I jogged half an hour on the treadmill, 250 calories it said. That leaves me room for dinner, and a snack at some point, and I am 'allowed' to have 1170 calories more according to my fitness pal.com My food goal is 1600, but then working out allows  me to have that many more calories, but I always try to come in as under as possible, without being hungry. If I'm hungry, I definitely eat and don't starve myself.


It's usually the early afternoon [2-4pm-ish] when I start to REALLY crave chocolate or sugar. It's usually at this time I chug chilled green tea, and maybe have a snack. I chalk my hunger / cravings up to the fact that I typically get really tired at this time. So sometimes even a cup of coffee with my cream & sugar works. On a sidenote: I really wish I could find a good replacement for sugar.... any ideas!?!




Anyways... that's about it for now! When I update next, either tonight or tomorrow.. I will include how the rest of the day went. I would like to get in another half hour on the treadmill as well, but we'll see!



[Still loving my hair!! :)   ]

Finding inspiration; Deep [or shallow?] thoughts from a haircut!

So, as I sit here watching the snow fall, I am happy to say I am so hopeful and excited for this entire year!

Last week an amazing stylist I know, gave me a makeover..and I LOVED my hair!
The sad thing about me is, sometimes I tend to over-do things I LOVE.[ Thus, the reason for this entire blog in the first place :S  ]  So, thinking it would be fun and exciting, I had my hair cut EVEN shorter somewhere else. [Only because I had a gift card there..otherwise I would have SO gone back to her!]  Well, I got my hair cut short.....like, super short. As in.... the shortest it has EVER been.


A few years ago I had a similar hair cut, but it was a bit longer, and I adored it. Now , this current haircut... I loved at first, but then I'll be honest.. I BAWLED about it for a day or two. It's just shockingly short. LOL

That being said, I am super happy with it as of now!And here's why....[this is a little bit deeper than it seems, trust me. ;)  ]

It has a sort of odd shape when it's down and curly, but wearing it in a half-pony keeps it out of my face. It seems to look decent that way, but obviously now that it's short and I can't hide it in a bun, you can see JUST how naturally curly my hair is. Which I don't mind. I used to hate having curly hair but I have learned to embrace it. I think I always wore it in a bun, because it does draw attention. And, I don't like attention! Hardly anyone I know has hair like mine.

One of the main reasons I decided to cut it in the first place, was because after much discussion Joe & I realized that... I hardly EVER wear my hair down, other than the few times a year we go out.. it gives me headaches, and I get SUPER hot all the time especially at work. It's just a hassle! It's usually in a big ol' bun on top of my head, and I'm always self conscious about it because... well, honestly who wears a bun in their hair !?!?

So now that it's short, and it takes me LITERALLY 5 minutes to straighten- and I LOVE the style when it's straight..... it is pretty nice. :) Plus, wearing my hair in a half pony when it's curly, is better than a bun, right? And although I don't like ponytails either... it actually looks kinda cute I think!?

Joe swears he loves it. He's actually the one who pushed me to get it shorter, for something different. I can't blame the poor guy, he's the one who has to look at me all the time! ;) So, as long as he truly likes it, that's the most important thing here as far as I'm concerned.


Anyways.... the reason I posted any of this here, is because having short hair has shockingly made me realize a few things about myself.

#1.... I had / may still have, a super crazy and irrational emotional attachment to my hair. In all honesty, all of us females probably do, don't we? I mean, our hair is a HUGE part of who we are.. it reflects our personality. This is the very reason I actually was excited to get short hair. I see so many people with cute short hair, they look so well kept and so stylish, and so in control.. and here I was with a big bun on my head. LOL..

#2..... Although hair is important in some ways...... I am NOT my hair. I  needed to realize, that my hair does not define me. That may sound absolutely NUTS, and I'm sure this whole posting does so far.. lol... but, as crazy as this sounds... upon waking the next day after my hair cut [ the day I bawled all day long] I was convinced that this whole year was going to SUCK, everyone would look at me like I'm crazy for cutting my hair, people wouldn't talk to me anymore, and people would avoid socializing with me. Um, yes. My hair literally did make me think those thoughts. It may not have helped that I was taking a muscle relaxer I was prescribed after my concussion. :/ But I was in complete panic mode. Thankfully, with much messing around with my hair, taking pictures, and asking opinions.... and convincing from Joe that he loves it, I am over the panic stage. :P

#3.... No matter what my hair looks like.... I can pull it off! And really, I'm pretty sure I can! Because  even though my hair is frighteningly short, I actually kind of like it... and I never would have dreamed I would! People were commenting on my picture that I have a nice face so that makes it easy for anything to work well... and, without sounding vain, I guess I can't disagree?!

#4.... It was kind of freeing, cutting my hair off. I feel like not having to deal with the immense amount of hair I had, I can focus on my FITNESS aspect of my appearance, rather than stress about my hair, . Because, it's pretty much all gone! It's so short, I literally can only do 2 things with it: Straighten it,or throw it in a half pony tail. Or, wear it down & curly, but that's still going to take some getting used to.. it's so so curly! lol...


So, now that my incredibly insane and embarassing hair dilemma is out there..... I have to admit, yes!! I do feel incredibly shallow for even thinking any of these thoughts in the first place. There are people allll over the world, the country, the state, and even this TOWN dealing with bigger, more pressing issues and dilemmas. And I can see, and totally understand why anyone would roll their eyes at every word I've just typed. So yes I feel like a complete idiot for obsessing over my hair.

Feeling like an idiot for obsessing over my hair,  however, shows me that hey.... you really don't have anything valid to complain about, so shut up and move on. Hair grows. Focus on your fitness, and attain those fitness goals!!!

I used to hide behind my hair... even though it was in a bun, it was like a security blanket for me. Now that it's gone, I'm like, " This is me! Take it or leave it! " I have nothing to hide behind anymore, and that is SO freeing.

Right after my haircut I [irrationally]  thought this year was going to really suck.... but now I realize I was SO wrong.  Because even though this really is a mundane thing in the big picture of life,  it has somehow been the perfect  tool in showing me that I am far more than my appearance.. . and that people can love and like me for who I am.[And, hopefully I'll find that I am someone people find WORTH liking and loving ] And that makes me feel more confident and ready to kick this weight-loss in the ass, than ever before. ....as my sister pointed out, it is literally kind of  saddening that I'm just realizing this, and that it took a haircut... but, I'm thankful to be entering this year with confidence and determination, to be the best me physically and as a friend/ person in general that I can be! Although it really IS just hair, and it does grow... this has definitely been a blessing in disguise!!



BEFORE::

AFTER:::